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mood

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weird

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I wake to the sound of an Instant msseg, as i hope it is her, my expectations are dashed. With an insult by a friend. Or what i call my supposed friends

[07:24:47 AM] JIM: she say no haha
[07:25:30 AM] Ricky: I wanna run away And open up my mind: no
[07:25:48 AM] JIM: my display picture looks like ricky on a long night
haah
The world i live in, where everyone attempts to put me down. Not many people support my descions anymore. Maybe im gaining independence from all of them.

[09:27:21 PM] What In The Flying Fuck Is Wrong With People Today???
SERIOUSLY: do you want me to come beat you now or
later?
[09:27:32 PM] Ricky: lol for what
[09:29:11 PM] Ricky: ??
[09:33:06 PM] What In The Flying Fuck Is Wrong With People Today???
SERIOUSLY: that fucking ring
[09:33:15 PM] Ricky: lol

[08:53:25 PM] Ricky: hey
[08:53:52 PM] Fred Naughty: ‘ello
[08:54:03 PM] Ricky: im gonna pop the question
[08:54:12 PM] Ricky: 😉
[08:54:18 PM] Ricky: april fools
[08:54:18 PM] Fred Naughty: oh man
[08:54:21 PM] Fred Naughty: hahahaha
[08:54:23 PM] Fred Naughty: really
[08:54:25 PM] Ricky: ya
[08:54:28 PM] Fred Naughty: lol
[08:54:33 PM] Fred Naughty: she’ll be pissed with you
[09:01:38 PM] Ricky: but then i pull out the real thing
[09:01:43 PM] Ricky: 😉
[09:02:16 PM] Fred Naughty: oh gaw
[09:02:20 PM] Fred Naughty: you aren’t going too
Ricky: what do ya think
[09:04:44 PM] Fred Naughty: I wouldn’t, but it’s up to you

Ricky: I wanna run away And open up my mind: what u
think lol
[11:52:11 PM] Ricky: I wanna run away And open up my mind: does this
person care about that person?
[11:52:17 PM] Robert: freaky boring
[11:52:24 PM] Ricky: I wanna run away And open up my mind: lol
[11:52:35 PM] Ricky: I wanna run away And open up my mind: humm ya
think the person cares bout the other
[11:52:46 PM] Robert: you should spend more time doing school work
son
[11:53:05 PM] Robert: less time wondering about that bullshit

Ricky: would any gal expect it on april fools
[09:57:14 PM] Timothy Lee Bird: dude i dont thikn u should
[09:58:31 PM] Ricky: and lol i keep thinkin its perfect lol
[10:14:15 PM] Ricky: lol i cant if i cant get there man lol
[10:14:26 PM] Ill make love to you when you want me to…and ill hold
you tight all though the night: then u shouldnt get married

[19:00] msdaelatrice: Have you ever thought that she could have gotten pregnate soby else and trying to say all this so you can take care of her and the child
[19:05] msdaelatrice: Well.. all I’m saying is you need to watch out
msdaelatrice: Yeah
[19:11] msdaelatrice: I read it
[19:11] msdaelatrice: She could just be stringing you along again

TJ: soo your gonna propose to the crazy chick?
TJ: i think you should just forget about her to be honest

If she could only see that i face this everyday. And she has said she does too. I believe her, the reason why i havent given into it. Is because she hasnt given up or left me. That is why im able to endure it. She hasnt left. If she did, i would try to lie to myself and say shes gonna be back, and after about 6 months, i would give up hope and die inside again. I dont want that to happen. I want this one to last forever f it could. Why cant she see that. That i am devoting every thought nearly to keeping me and her alive. But ye when we chat, when shes affectionate its like extasy. It makes me feel so happy, but when we fight i feel so hurt, so upset. She never tells me if she feel the same, maybe im to afraid to ask. Maybe am i greedy, because i can only seem to tyhink about what i feel. I cant ever think about how other people feel. I want to but its werid when im in a relationship. I cant think of how they feel about things. All i can think about is how i feel.

I cover this up by giving them every ounce of attention. Because i feel if im to concerned with myself, maybe i should give what i can give. My time, my devotion, my mind. I justwanna get out of here. Where my grandma dominates my life. She chooses whats good for me. And if it meets up to her standards. I believe that person is good for me. No matter what my grandma says or tries to do. I disagree with my grandma, and she is not happy about it. She is loosing control, and i think she hates it. She wants the best for me, i realize that, maybe i am surroundsed by people that want the best for me. But i refuse to listen to any of them. Because for once im not afraid of saying I want this. Besides i have given into them long enough. THEY wanted ricky to go into politics well guess what I refuse, I crave my independence, i wanna run away with her. And yet i am stuck here. And everytime we talk we seem to argue, i dont wanna fight i jus wanna be in love. I think i just wont fight anymore. I will just let everyone trample over me. And get what they want from me.

Pleease rescue me kelli, take me away. Take me to a place where i can be free, and we can do whatever we want. Thats all i want to do. Honestly, if i could live on a mountain top in seculion and banished from my home i would do it.

We could male a hay house, and everything and have farm animals. And just not worry about anything or anyone else. Please get me out of here.