War begins, and fear is the mind killer.

As i listen to what i call the majestic sounds of dune. To get my blood rush, so i feel energized. I wonder music beats and words always mean a lot to me. I can get myself enraged by listening to certain things, i pride myself on my control over my feelings i have yet i ALWAYS LOOSE CONTROL WITH KELLI. dang caps lock rr. I dont wish to fight anymore, although i feel like i have to i feel an obligation. I guess i feel like its my job, to face what no one else can face. I pretend to think im unstoppable. Because look behind me ive had sezuires for 11 years. Ive fought off a possible coma. Its like an unbeaten track record. No one has gone through this, and if they have i would humbly bow, because they deserve greater respect then me.

Kelli makes me feel different, she doesnt realize that she is changing me. I am making those changes but it is because i realize something. I realized that i cannot survive on just my way of thinking forever. I have to learn, i have to adapt and grow. I have to change. I will always be myself, deep down. But there needs to be healthy choices. There needs to be less extremism on my part. I need to learn its always not about getting ready to kamikazee myself against the big bad. There are things i need to improve on and she helps me with this.