Hate anger will not be in me

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mood

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Hate anger will not be in me

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You know the scary thing about loosing 600 dollars in 1 night. When you try your best to hold it together and you have lost your best friend. when you have lost the woman you love and half of your future. Half of my future is gone GONE The other half is useless. What the fuck is college good for now. You wanna hear the answer NOTHING my life is over its gone destroyed im fucked fucked forever forever all because my best friend is gone the love of my life is gone and as my heart seeems to turn colder every second again again and again She couldnt even talk to me maybe she never really fucking CARED Maybe she doesnt like the fact I AM NOW WANTING O DIE because my life is worthless without her.

I will not have sex for the rest of my life however short or long that will be. Maybe tonight i will lay out in the road and wait 4 a car to hit me. I still love her so much and she wont even speak to me. my life is useless now. I wanna drop out of college. I am looking at 2 choices in my life for the next 80 years. I will move to Colorado Or i am going to go enlist in the army to go die in iraq. Maybe ill face some honor maybe the terrorists will behead me. I cant live without her ive lost it i cant deal with this no longer i wanted to die or go to jail last night. and for the time being i am gonna get counseling. i will propbably have an appointment next week. i wish i could buy a katana sword. so i could stab myself with it and die. I still love you kelli and noiw your gone and i cant live much longer like this. its either going to hurt you more its going to drive me insane. I am going to find every way to die because you left me I cant do it anymore i cant go on living dead inside.

I cant do it kelli, i was like it for 3 years i am not going back. as soon as my buddy in colorado emails me back. I will find out if i will move to colorado. if i can not i am enlisting. and i am going to ask to be placed in iraq. and i will take every possible way to die. I cant move on in my life it feels so worthless so without purpose you were my best friend in my whole life. you made me apperciate life again. and now you are gone. i cant deal with that so i need to die. i cant go on my whole life cold hearted hating you i love you to damn much. i will not become that shallow cold mind i will not become cold hearted. i will not become hatred. i will continue to love you. this is my choice. my heart is breaking

I refuse to die inside but i can not go on living much longer. I will be likee a soldier at Thermopyle I will die. To the last fiber in my mind. I will love you forever i will not hate you how much it tries to control me. I cant even be angry anymore. I really wished i would have gone to jail last night at least i would go away and die.

you are my life kelli and i cant be angry anymore. all i can do is love you. I can not be angry anymore This is the great change Anger will no longer have a homne in my heart. NO LONGER hate and anger will no longer be apart of me.